Maryam Nassir Zadeh and daughter Anaïs Vida, for The Glow.
New York boutique owner Maryam Nassir Zaheh recently recalled in The Glow that an astrologer once told her that a mother and child find and choose one another before the child is born. She said, ‘it’s incredible to think we are destined to live our lives together, and that my child will be my friend forever.’ This touched a note with me because a close friend of mine, on meeting my little girl for the first time, said the same thing: that she and I would be best friends forever. It is a strange thing to look down at my five month old daughter – this tiny, wondrous human being – and envision her as an older child, let alone an adult sharing conversation with me. But it is something I try to keep in mind in the more frustrating moments of motherhood (refusing to sleep without a spirited fight, refusing to nurse for reasons known only to her) as well as the peaceful moments (a glorious smile when she wakes up, a full-bodied giggle at some secret funny thing). I don’t imagine specifically what we would talk about as mother and child, mother and teenager, woman and woman, but I imagine things like the first time she wears something from my wardrobe; that vintage Dior box coat, my Armani vanilla leather jacket bought in New York, or one of my vintage lace tops or necklaces (I have something of an obsession with both) . Or the first time she reads some of my writing (will she like it? Find it resonates? Is outdated?). I want her to come to me with news of her first boyfriend or first crush. I want her to talk to me about friends, periods, sex, school. I envision us at the beach together, in our favourite cafe together. Of course, I know she will sometimes be grumpy with me, be embarrassed by me. But I hope those moments are kept to a realistic minimum and that I can nurture and maintain the patience, empathy and selflessness required of that kind of mother-daughter relationship.
*Top image by Kelly Stuart courtesy of The Glow.
theseshoesweremadefortalking
July 29, 2012
Coming from an educational perspective, I find this whole topic fascinating. And- a good friend of mine clearly remembers dreaming about a little girl long before she became pregnant with her now daughter. The most wonderful thing I see time and time again, the key to a successful relationship between mother and daughter- build a strong relationship from the beginning- and have time for them in their early years. This is the most important time! Not later, when they’re later- now. Only then will you have a strong foundation. I’m not a mother but I am a Kindergaryen teacher, and countless times I’ve heard mothers say- I’m working hard for them now, so when they’re older we can have a strong relationship. The early years is when they are building their self, so make time right from the start.
The Beauty Philosopher
July 29, 2012
I think that is so true. It is too easy to think, well I’ll read her books later when she is old enough to understand, or I’ll have more time to spend one-on-one when she is not so little and demanding. But I try to do everything (within reason) from birth with the knowledge that a young child will be ‘demanding’ on his or her parents for a very long time, and that leaving things until ‘later’ may be too late for one reason or another.